Hello, I Love You

This post is taken from a completely fictitious interview I conducted with no one…or…everyone…who has ever been hired…by your company.
Jay – Congratulations on your new job. You must be very excited?
Your New Employee – Yes, it’s going to be great.
Jay – I’d love to hear about your experience joining your new company. Tell me about the process.
Your New Employee – Well, it’s actually been more complicated than I expected. I saw the position posted online, and tried to apply, but their website was pretty old school, so I had to spend a lot of time just trying to get my application in.
Jay – That’s too bad…but you know how applicant tracking systems can be…that’s just how it goes.
Your New Employee – Um, I guess so.
Jay – Great! How about your interviews, I bet they were inspiring?
Your New Employee – Well, actually my screening interview was okay, but it was a real hassle getting to the next step to meet with the manager.
Jay – Oh yes, you know how meetings just clog up every one’s calendars. That’s the modern world of work…you know what I mean, right?
Your New Employee – I waited a couple of weeks to get my interview scheduled. Doesn’t that seem a bit long to you? Particularly if the job was so important and needed to be filled right away? At least that’s what the recruiter told me.
Jay – Yes! Those jobs are so important! This is great! Tell me about your first day, and the orientation you received. I bet it was awesome, right?
Your New Employee – Not exactly. I sat through a long day of lectures on benefits and policy reviews which probably could have been done ahead of time electronically.
Jay – Excellent! It sounds like they have a great program to get new employees up to speed. I love this! Keep going!
Your New Employee – What? I mean…okay. Once I found my way to my department the next day they didn’t quite know what to do with me, so I sat around reading some more policies, and figuring out where to go for lunch.
Jay – Awesome! Lots of flexibility and no pressure as you got started. You must have felt so supported!
Your New Employee – To be honest with you, I didn’t feel supported until a coworker reached out and helped me meet some people and show me the ropes. Then I started to feel like a part of the team.
Jay – Well, this has just been terrific. Congratulations again, it sounds like you have made a great career move. You clearly have joined a world class organization!

How About You 
No, this wasn’t real…or was it? What would your new team members say in an interview?
I’d love to hear from you.
No Excuses.